Yeah I know mine isn't the best in the world and most likely won't change overnight, but I need to find something to latch onto and filter out the rest of the muck. I have wanted since this summer to look into programming applications for iPhone and iPod touch. I have a computer that would work great and I think I could learn the language pretty well the only struggle I have is that I don't have all that many innovative application ideas, and I really want my contribution to be innovative. There is also the budding desire I am experiencing to get back into making videos and things. I really enjoyed experiences in High School making movies with my friends and enjoying the living for the minute type of existence.
Work has become very problematic these last few weeks and the stresses of accomplishing a job when people don't seem to understand what you do or support you in doing it can be a daunting task. I am hoping this week to detach any personal investment in this job and simply let it be a job, do what I can and forget the rest. If I can do that then I might be able to conserve some energy to approach something in life worth my time. I really want to create something and experience life again. I think one of the hardest experiences with moving and being so far from Cedar and separated as much as we are is the severe isolation we are experiencing.
Isolation takes a toll on everyone, and I think a great deal of my difficulties is the isolation I feel. In Cedar we were able to visit family very frequently, and friends quite often too, I also had friends at school and at work. Eagle Mountain is a completely different experience as we are far from my family and not extremely close to Jane's either. Our ward in Cedar was complimentary to our non social personas since I had known many of the people in the ward for a long time and the demographics fit very well with our own. Here the extent of my social sphere is work with two other people in the cave I work in and others I interact with on a less frequent basis, and church on Sundays.
There are no random meetings at Walmart no regular game days with friends or family. I have wondered how to make friends again, but my personality has such a strong conflict with social things. Jane and I have our fun games to play with people yet it is so hard to know who to invite and how to invite or what. I miss having a more simple life. I miss school and the naturally social environments that I was put in where I was forced into those experiences that helped me enjoy life more. I guess when you only truly interact with so many people in a day or a week your world shrinks a little and becomes colder and harder and much less manageable.
I really wish I knew how to reach out more and be more social and things. I guess I just need to start somewhere. ... Sorry I think I need to go...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Unfortunately, it seems that is just the nature of your beast. The lack of close proximity to friends and family coupled with your "anti-social" (sorry, I couldn't think of a better word) nature, make for a really tough time making friends.
When we lived in Vancouver it kind of felt like that. We were close to Sam & Julie, but not visit-all-the-time close, and neither Ben nor I were in positions that gave us a lot of social time. Church was the only socializing we had up there. We made really good friends with one other couple, but never anyone else, and that was OK. Ben wasn't having the drama at work that you have, but you just have to make the most of it. I think you're idea about taking your job for what it is, just a job, and using your energy for your hobbies, and Jane and Gwen is a great idea. This is probably just a bump in your road and once you get over it, life will become smooth again. :)
Post a Comment